Let's Trade Places
by RipleyWriter93
Summary: Hermione thinks Draco's life's so easy? And Vice versa? Lets let them try each other on for size! Lol my first comedy! A teency bit of boy and boy but not much
1. Chapter 1

"Like you know what it's like to be me!" Hermione ground out at Draco who met her gaze meanly. "You could never be me!" Draco nearly shouted. "You don't scare me Malfoy!" Draco stood from the table they had been sitting at and Hermione followed.

"Where are you going Malfoy?" He turned a corner curtly ascending a set of stairs. "Answer me!" Hermione jogged to keep up. "Acid Pops." Draco said tonelessly to the gargoyle who allowed he and Hermione to step onto the stairs.

"What does Dumbledore have to do with anything?" She asked. "Shut up Granger." He knocked on the door, and as always Dumbledore answered: "Enter." The two stepped into the office as Draco sat down and Hermione sat also, crossing her legs, jiggling her foot, glaring at Malfoy ever so often.

"Mister Malfoy, Miss Granger, what brings you to my office?" Hermione opened her mouth, but felt no words come out; she didn't really know why she was there. "Sir, please just give Granger a detention for accusing me of having an easy life, when she knows nothing and force her to leave me alone, for ever." Draco glared at Hermione.

Dumbledore's mouth twitched into a smile as he said: "What has happened?" Draco started to speak but Hermione cut him off: "Well sir, as always! Malfoy was annoying me about my blood, and how I am, and I responded politely: Leave me alone Malfoy." But Draco jumped in: "Politely?" He bellowed. "How is: "Shove it Malfoy! You're an arrogant jerk!" Polite?" Dumbledore smiled again. "Alright, I think I know where this is going. You may go."

The two walked out, their mouths agape. "Bet he punishes you tomorrow!" Draco hissed as they took two separate staircases.

* * *

"Well, everyone I know we have had problems with Gryffindor students and Slytherin students. But this one is ridiculous! Miss Granger and Mister Malfoy simply don't understand one another."

"Albus…" The Transfiguration professor warned him, but he waved her off. "Oh come on Minerva, it was years ago and I'm sure nobody remembers!" Professor McGonagall crossed her arms, and looked away.

"Now, since Minerva was the only one there when the last incident happened, let me explain…"

* * *

"Mm… What's that smell?" Hermione stretched her arms above her head as the window poured sunlight into the room. "Draco? Mate what are you doing? Why are you awake now? It's not even eleven yet." Hermione looked at the end of the room where she heard the voice.

With a squeak Hermione dove under the covers as she saw Blaise Zabini in his boxers, sitting on his bed, staring curiously. Suddenly with a small pop a note appeared by her nose.

_Dear Miss Granger, _

_Yes you and Mister Malfoy have switched places, all professors are aware and by the way, you can tell the secret to only three people, if they even believe you. Consider this an assignment because this will last one month, if more than the three people you told; find out, You fail the rest of the semester. _

_Dont worry this will be pleasant,_

_Professor Albus Dumbledore_

Hermione's eyes slid quickly out of focus as she came out of the bed, keeping her eyes on the floor, she said: "Couldn't sleep." Leaving the room as quickly as possible, Hermione turned into the bathroom, fast. "This is crazy." She said gripping the sink, her head bowed. Suddenly a shower turned on and her head whipped around, as she looked down at Draco's body.

"How am I gonna do this?"

* * *

"Would you shut up!" Draco yelled from where his head was buried under a blanket. "Get up! You're always up before us anyway!" Someone yelled. Draco was ready to throw the covers back and curse his supposed best mates but suddenly a need to sneeze was over taking him, causing him to inhale a mouthful of: brown hair?

Finally sneezing, Draco heard not his own manly sneeze, but a dainty twinkle of a noise. "Bloody hell?" His hearing acute: Draco listened to two or three girls leave the room, muttering about: "Time of month." Draco finally sat up straight, a pillow in hand, but his gaze met a long mirror on the wall opposite him, looking at it, Draco fainted.

Suddenly with another sneeze, Draco caused a note to go sailing across the room. "What?!" A voice definitely not his; shrieked after reading the note. "Now what can I dooo?" He put his head in Hermione's hands.

Both showed up that morning, walking rather uncomfortably, in fear of giving away their true identities. But what they both saw that morning caused another fight.

**Flash Back for Draco**

"**Ugh, that was gross; I should not be in this position." Draco repeated over and over as he wrapped a robe tightly around him. Sitting at Hermione's vanity, Draco opened the drawer, pulled out a hair brush, and make up, and was delighted to find: "Ooh! Gel!" Finally after brushing "her" hair, Draco scooped a strawberry sized amount of: "Sleakeazys Gel" into his hands and into the bushy brown mane. **

**Opening the wardrobe, Draco was disappointed not to find any wild and crazy clothes from past dares or something like that, and began to take a pair of jeans and a red button up blouse, a black silk tank top, and black matching underwear. Suddenly Draco smacked her forehead, "I'm a wizar-uh witch! What am I doing?" Pulling out the wand in Hermione's nightstand, Draco stripped out of the clothes and began waving it above them, cutting off the sleeves and making the straps barely thicker than her tank top. Cutting off the first three buttons of the blouse, Draco made cut off a bit of the black fabric and sewed it there, underneath. "Now that's hott." Draco mumbled to himself. Now he picked up the jeans and cut them into a skirt, about an inch and a half higher than Hermione's finger tips. Slipping into the clothes, satisfied. Draco put on black flip flops and headed down to the great hall, dying for many a Gryffindors mouths to drool that Saturday morning. **

_Flash back for Hermione_

"_I am so permanently scarred." Hermione muttered as she stepped from the shower, wrapping a towel around "Draco's" Bottom half. Sitting on the bed, Hermione picked out a green plaid button up shirt, and just jeans. Rummaging in his things, Hermione found a case, and dying to know what it was: Hermione waved her wand above the lock, causing it to snap open where she found twenty different combs and brushes lying in foam around a silver jar of "Silkyz Hair Gel" Tossing it back into the case, Hermione just used a simple black comb and combed the golden locks and tossed it back and closed the case, dropping it with a thud in Draco's trunk. _

The two's eyes met in the great hall before they yelled in the strangest match the great hall had ever encountered: "You look like a whore!" Draco Malfoy's body yelled. "Oh yeah? Nerd!" Hermione's bellowed back. "I HATE YOU!" They yelled in unison before turning; both in a huff, back to their respectable tables.

* * *

"Well she certainly does look good…" A Gryffindor seventh year pointed out as "Hermione" Passed by. Shooting him with a cold glare, Draco made quite the show, to sit down, placing one foot over the bench, Draco let Hermione's body fall backward, her legs sticking up, her knickers exposed for all to see, finally after checking out what was happening, Ron tentatively extended his hand for Hermione to grasp.

Upright again, "Hermione" said flirtatiously: "Thank you Ronald." Ron's eyes grew as he tried to eat his breakfast. "So, Hogsmeade's coming up, wanna go with me?" A Gryffindor seventh year asked, and Hermione nodded, much to the real Hermione's despair.

"I'll show him." Hermione muttered. Placing Draco's arm around Pansy Parkinson's waist, Hermione began speaking to her. "So Pans, how are things going? I mean you havent talked to your" 'Draco' pouted: "Poor boyfriend all morning." Pansy squealed excitedly and began to chatter incessantly.

"I told you this would be fun!" Dumbledore whispered to McGonagall, who shook her head sadly.

T.B.C


	2. Chapter 2

A/N okay so this is getting hard 4 me 2 write lol, when I say he(and I'm referring 2 Draco or Hermione) He/Draco-Draco in Hermione's body and She/Hermione-Hermione in Draco's body. Btw I rlly don't own a thing grr and I dunno if I've mentioned this: This takes place their fifth year, this is a very funny but kinda mature ch. (This is what happens when u ask a friend 4 input lol) btw. EVERYBODY IS STRAIGHT. Just remember that.

* * *

"Do you understand this?" Draco asked Harry and Ron who looked at her; shocked. "Hermione are you alright?" Draco stared at them. "Of course." Without a reply, Draco stuffed the books in Hermione's bag and took off to the library.

"Ruining my reputation I'm sure." Draco mumbled as he saw his body turn a corner and into the library. "My god, she's going to give it away for sure." Draco steered himself to the table where she sat. "Truce." Draco heard his voice say without looking up. "No, now if you don't mind, I have a date." Draco pushed his mouth into a smirk as he left the library, leaving "Draco Malfoy" Stunned.

"Oh hi there Roger!" He greeted the Gryffindor. "Hey there Mione, got your books for our study date?" Draco nodded and let the Gryffindor take his hand, even though he felt chills travel like light down his spine. _This feels so awkward! _Putting on a smile, Draco sat closely next to Roger, looking over his shoulder. "So what to start with?" Draco nearly laughed as the Gryffindor was totally clueless. "How about this..." Draco put his arms around Roger's neck and kissed him, his mind clearly on other things such as: _AM I CRAZY? I LIKE GIRLS! I LIKE GIRLS! Ugh he's a bad kisser anyway. _

Draco giggled as they began to work and he enjoyed all the stares as they finally finished studying. "Thanks for all the help Roger." Draco kissed Roger's cheek and closed the dorm door, running to the bathroom, brushing his teeth.

The girls walked in twenty minutes later, gossiping; Draco was noticing that they did that a lot. "Hey Hermione! Since the workload was pretty light today, how 'bout some truth or date before bed?" He nodded and sat down with Parvati, Lavender, and Ginny.

"Wait, wait, wait; Truth or _Date_?" Draco asked curiously. "Yeah, Ginny made it up, you can either choose truth or we get to pick who you have to ask out on a date, but if they say no then you have to do a dare, of our choice!" Draco smiled happily as he picked Parvati. "Uhm truth!" The girls rolled their eyes but Draco finally asked curiously: "Okay, who do you like?" Parvati shifted before muttering: "Ron..." Everyone nodded understandingly including Draco. "Okay Ginny!" Parvati picked. "Truth!" Draco wondered why everyone was picking truth. "Mm, okay who do _you_ like?" _Do all girls care about is who people like?_ "Uh, well. Draco Malfoy…" The girls all gasped but nodded approvingly, but no one was more shocked than Draco, though he had to admit, she was good looking.

"Hermione! Hello?!" Ginny snapped Draco out of his daze. "Uhm date." He answered without thinking. "Oooo Brave." The girls grouped together before deciding unanimously. "Blaise Zabini, and if he says no, you have to…uhm go to the boys dormitories and pick a guy, and sleep next to him, naked! Oh and you can't tell him about the dare, and you can't do anything with him! You know all the passwords; I mean you are a prefect. And we're attaching this muggle camera thing to a clip in your hair. " Draco's eyes widened as the girls put the clip in his hair; obviously these girls were getting some kind of twisted pleasure out of this.

Standing with a grin, Draco pulled a robe on and trotted off to the Slytherin common room, whispering the password. "Blaise?" He murmured, reaching his bed. "Wha? Granger!" Blaise whipped the blankets up. "No, mate, it's me Draco!" Blaise eyed him wearily. "Oh yeah? Then what's my secret ambition?" Draco replied confidently: "To become the Charms Professor here at Hogwarts!" Blaise's jaw dropped as Draco explained the situation.

"So just say yes, we'll study in the library tomorrow and it'll be over!" Blaise smirked. "No." Draco fumed. "What? I'm your best mate!" Blaise grinned. "Yeah, but this'll really ruin her reputation." Draco smiled and walked out the door and into the Gryffindor Boys Dormitories. Stripping out of his clothes, Draco decided that Dean was the best looking and lied next to him.

Dean mumbled a bit in his sleep and wrapped his arm across Draco's chest, whispering inaudibly in his ear. Draco; playing the part, snuggled close to him, pulling the blanket over his feet.

Morning woke him early, and Draco woke to a silent dormitory. Waking up Dean, Draco whispered to him with a smirk. "Deanie, come on baby! It's morning time!" Dean opened one eye blearily, then the other, seeing his bed mate. "Hermione? What are you doing here?" Draco feigned tears and stood up shrieking, not bothering to cover himself up.

"We spend a wonderful night together and you forget?!? Dean you're heartless!" By now the rest of the boys had woken up, and seeing Hermione Granger, naked, in their dorm had caught their attentions. "Mione, been working out?" Draco turned and smiled, giving Dean a glare on his way out.

"You slept with Hermione?!?" Draco heard Ron's angry voice. With a chuckle he peered down the stairs and saw that the common room was bustling with Gryffindors, pretending not to notice, he tried to tip toe down the stairs, catching quite a bit of attention. People catcalled, whistled, and jeered and Draco skipped up the stairs and into the shower.

* * *

"Yeah, everyone says she's becoming kind of _easy_ I mean she was seen tip toeing out of the Gryff guy's dorm, naked! And she was kissing that Roger guy, a seventh year! And I know it's true 'cause Dean gave Hermione her dressing gown before she went to breakfast!" Hermione stopped and listened to the two Gryffindors talk.

"You!" She hissed as they passed each other in the hall. "Why, can I help you Draco?" Draco asked innocently. "This means war!" Draco rolled his eyes. "What could she do?" He said barely audible.

"Watch me…" Writing down ideas, Hermione was suddenly ecstatic. "I'll make people think he's gay!" Skipping to her dorm, Hermione decided to figure out which guy she would need to help.

"Hey Hermione." Blaise greeted her. "Blaise? How did you know?!?" He replied simply: "Draco." Hermione was suddenly struck with a brilliant thought. "Do all Slytherins really like being on top, perhaps, embarrassing a friend?" Blaise nodded slowly.

"Well I've got an idea, if you'll be okay…" Blaise laughed and finally agreed. "As long as you'll wear lip gloss." Hermione nodded and gave Blaise a hug. "Wait am _I_ going to appear gay?" Hermione thought for a moment. "Well at the beginning, then you can say that I was just coming on to you, and I said that I was "Hermione" but I had accidentally drank Polyjuice potion. People will just have to believe that." Blaise nodded. Keeping the fact that he really did like Hermione, to himself.

"So when's this goin down?" Hermione thought to herself again. "Next Friday night, six thirty, in the common room, what flavor lip-gloss might I ask?" Blaise told her vanilla and she went to go finish her homework.

"Wow, the things a man does for love." Blaise reclined in his bed, reading a book.

A week and a half passed without many problems, Draco was confident; Hermione wasn't going to do anything.

"Six fifteen." Hermione said to herself. Pocketing the lip gloss and picking up her books, Hermione met Blaise in the common room when it was completely empty while everyone was at dinner. "Alright, now I told Theo, to come by at six forty to give me his potions notes. Now at six forty, we'll kiss, pretending we don't hear Nott, is five minutes alright? That'll give him plenty of time to go get someone and prove it, then next week, we'll tamped with his memory, giving it saying that I was Hermione blah blah blah. Then we can extract the memory and show it to everyone and clear your name, alright?" Blaise nodded, sitting closer to Hermione, Blaise let her apply the vanilla gloss.

They heard the portrait swing open and Hermione kissed Blaise boldly, pulling him tighter, they heard a gasp and the portrait swing shut, and Hermione went to pull away but Blaise held onto her, licking her lips, and she responded; opening her mouth and wrapping her arms around him.

"Gross!" Someone yelled causing the two to break apart. "Zabini and Malfoy are gay!" The two tried to stand up but Hermione had slid onto Blaise's lap, causing her to fall. Nott and the other person ran out, causing the two to break out in laughter, saying they'd see each other later. Exiting the two finished their homework separately.

By the next week, Blaise's name was cleared as was Draco's.

Draco. Was. Furious.

* * *

Hehehehe Funnnnny stuff. Lol this is gonna be a short story btw. 


	3. Chapter 3

Okay everyone I am wicked sorry but I've sorta lost my mojo 4 this story and I wish I could carry on but it seems my only option is 2 discontinue this story 4 now, I guess I'm not meant 2 write pure comedies, I promis 2 throw in lots more comedy in my other stories, and I've had a brilliant idea 4 a new story and intend 2 put it up as soon as I finish ONE more story Love ya lots the one and only Ripleywriter93


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